Letter to President Obama #10 | Subject: Spies, the Patriot Act, and the NSA

Letter to President Obama #10 | Subject: Spies, the Patriot Act, and the NSA

Dear President Obama,

I’m writing because I have a few questions and concerns about the National Security Agency, the Patriot Act, and the espionage world, generally.

First, I’ve been trying to get in touch with the National Security Agency, but I’m having a hard time. This was a little surprising because I’ve been talking on my phone a lot lately and from what I’ve read in the papers, I thought those guys were monitoring everything. At first I was sure they were just busy, but it’s been like a month, and I must have been recorded at least a couple dozen times. Doesn’t the NSA have voice mail? (If not, maybe they should get an answering service.) This seems a little unprofessional on their part, I have to admit. Then again, when I called, I didn’t think to leave a number, as I thought that’d be a little redundant. So maybe it’s my fault.

Anyway, I have a question about the Patriot Act. I understand that under the Patriot Act the government can now keep track of books I check out at the library and purchase at the bookstore. Now I don’t like this idea at all, but that’s not the main reason why I’m writing. I’ll just straight out ask my question: Did the NSA also hire a literary critic?

Let me explain: I recently started going to the new library in town. After every visit, I get an unmarked letter with no return address or identification. I assume these are from the NSA, and judging by the critical response to my selections, I’m assuming you’ve hired a literary critic. Let me just say, Mr. President, that the NSA literary critic is really far off base. I’ve been getting these letters for weeks and the NSA critic keeps suggesting that I read crap—Deepak Chopra, I’m OK, You’re OK, and all kinds of Sean Hannity books.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying I’m currently reading the finest literature. (I must admit that it’s a little embarrassing to admit that the NSA happened upon my library record when both Harry Potter and Twilight were on my account— but it’s not like I’m always reading vampire love stories or books that feature talking hats and children with magic wands.) But the NSA suggestions are worse than what I'm reading already; I mean, Who Moved My Cheese?

And Mr. President, why is the NSA critic always suggesting that I read 1984? Of all the good books to pick, why that one? Is that some sort of ironic joke?

Please let me know what you think about these matters, and thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Brett Ortler